CVU Mustache Growathon October 2011 Results

Thank you to everyone who participated in the growathon this last October. We had a couple more participants than the one before. The results are listed below, but first, here's a little song and video entitled "The Traveler" to get you warmed up (I'd recommend clicking on the hyperlink provided below as the resolution can be upgraded on Youtube).

Feel free to add comments or "like" the video! Enjoy!

- Jeff -

The Traveler - by Jeffrey Owen

LYRICS for The Traveler:



hit it

yo, I got something to say
and everybody's gonna listen
this one goes out to the CVU
Imma tell ya what cha been missin'

the other day I'm walking through the park
spot a fly fella, it was close to dark
had a sick trench coat and a stash to boot
cooler than a fencin' feline named Puss'n'Boots

he turns to me and looks me in the eye
suddenly I am paralyzed
he's like, "hey man, listen to the sound of my voice,
I'm simply mesmorizing, so you got no choice

you know, I travel a lot and I meet a lot of folks,
Imma tell ya bout a couple of cool cats I met, yeah,
some real top notch blokes, yeah
some real top notch blokes, yeah

Marky Mark Seegmiller
he's the real Marky Mark of the Funky Bunch
notorious creator of Captain Crunch
frequently drops seven G's on what he calls
a "measly lunch"'
"a measly lunch?"
"a measly lunch"

"Ezra Hurst, friend of said Seegmiller
bad-a bribe takin' cop, lumberjack, oil driller,
lady killer, wine distiller,
an exceptional cicada killer,
and to top it off he often gets calls from NASA
to be an astronaut absentee filler

there's Chad
he's a mountain man
he's everybody's man
he's a manly man
he's a ladies man
look at that man
more like a tall drink of water wearing clothes"


-  -  DANCE  - -


let's take a break for the chorus
make some r-o-o-o-o-m for the chorus
we're about at the chorus
here comes the chorus, yeah

now we're in the chorus
the chorus of the song
it's feeling so right
yet it's feeling so wrong

like my mustache has felt for two months and a half
don't get me wrong, I mean I love this shiz
though I know that you laughed,
but those who tried it,
will not deny it

we came away being BIGGER MEN
I'm gonna tell you how it went

"Reuben Evans
friends call him little lucky triple sevens
fastest gunslinger this side of town
you throw a nickel in the air and he will gun it down
yeah ladies, he's a real sharpshooter
lookin' so fly on his Segway Scooter
zippin' round the streets
justice to be dealt
if you's a dead outlaw
you know how he felt

smoke from the double barrels curls in the air
trigger fingers rest and an icy stare
foolish young buck makin' trouble for a dame
and all Evans had to do was take aim and - -    craCKcraCK!
down he goes
rest of the story nobody knows
nobody cares that's the way it goes

I never saw him again
after that night, but I'll tell you something
akimbo .357's ablaze in righteous glory, now that's a sight

Kevin Pollock
neurosurgeon in the day time,
astro/nuclear physicist by night
he'll blow you away with algorithms
and an overload of intellectual ssstimulation

knows magic, Harry Potter style
he's 600 years old
and wiped out the entire Incan civilization
with a flash of his pearly luminescent smile

can create a black hole with a fraction of the brain power
that Chuck Norris would have to use to do the same thing
Stephen Hawking, PLEASE.

roundhouse kicks Rubik's Cubes all the way to China
where smart Chinese children solve them

there are so many, so so many
people on this planet
and if you mashed them all up into one big brain
then it still couldn't produce a quarter of the manly hormones
that this man produces in one sitting of Law & Order SVU

Jeff Owen
thick, veluptuous mustache
red, burgundy, auburn, it's lovely
i like it.

other than that there's not much to say,
kid hasn't gained an ounce to this day
since ninth grade

that's just sad, it's quite unremarkable
probably a lack of growth hormone
maybe a pituitary disorder, I don't know

one thing ties together these amazing men
and helped them find their powers within
it was the stashey-stash they sported on their face
by which in the end they ALL won first place

so next time you see some man walking by
with a thick lip bristle and a glint in his eye
you're gonna wonder to yourself
"what's he findin' out?"
cause he's got some super secret
of that there's no doubt"

we came away being BIGGER MEN
and that's just how it went


Song Recorded, Mixed and Mastered by: Jeff Owen
Voice Editing: Jeff Owen
Video Filmed by: Lindsay and Jeff Owen
Video Editing: Jeff Owen

Participants

(who sent pictures)

Mark Seegmiller

-Marky Mark Seegmiller of the Funky Bunch
-Created Captain Crunch
-Regularly drops 7 G's on measly lunches

 Ezra Hurst

-Ezra Hurst, a friend of Mark Seegmiller
-Past professions include (but are not limited to)
-Bad-a bribe taking cop
-Lumberjack
-Oil Driller
-Lady Killer
-Wine Distiller
-Good at killing cicadas
-Occasionally fills in for NASA (when it's convenient that is)

 Chad Wageman

-Chad Wageman
-He's a mountain man
-He's everybody's man
-He's a manly man
-He's a ladies man
-More like a tall drink of water wearing clothes kind of man

 Reuben Evans

-Reuben Evans
-Little Lucky Triple Sevens
-Fastest gunslinger this side of town
-Throw a nickel in the air and he'll gun it down
-Sharpshooter
-Rides a Segway scooter
-Dual wields .357 six shooters with righteous anger
- - OUTLAWS BEWARE - -

 Kevin Pollock

-Kevin Pollock
-Daylights as a Neurosurgeon
-Spends nights as an Astrophysicist
-Will blow you away with algorithms and an overload of intellectual stimulation
-Knows magic Harry Potter style
-Is 600 years old
-Wiped out the entire Incan civilization by smiling at them
-Can create a black hole with just his brain, and do it more efficiently than Chuck Norris
-Stephen Hawking takes a back seat to Kevin
-Can roundhouse kick a Rubik's Cube to China (it doesn't matter where he is)
-If you took all the people in the world and mashed them up to form a gigantic brain than it still couldn't produce even 25% of the manly hormones that Kevin produces in one sitting of Law and Order SVU

 Jeff Owen

-Jeff Owen
-Has a thick, veluptuous, red, auburn, burgundy, lovely mustache
-Is sickly small

Cheers and thanks for looking!

Mustaches on the CVU

It's about bonding. It's about brotherhood. It's about boldness! And FRIENDSHIP! This mustache contest can more correctly be called a "feeler" or "trial." The participants sure had fun, so we will definitely be doing something like this again in the future with a couple of changes to better suit everyone and maximize the camaraderie and fun.

-And just so you know, I believe that some parts of this post do NOT show up on ipods or mobile devices. Try it on a computer.

This pic just screams, "mustache savvy" to anyone who sees it. It also says somewhat more quietly and subtely, "my 'stache gives me super powers like being able to conceal an eight foot potato gun while shopping for fresh produce in wal-mart. Jealous?"

Mark sported the handlebar like a true hell's angel. Can't you also picture him gunning the throttle of his Harley with one hand, eating a PB & J with the other, and giving a huge thumbs up with his third hand which magically erupted from the middle of his chest due to his manliness reaching an unbearable thresh-hold? And it didn't even affect his homeostasis. Think about THAT for a minute.

Chad looks like he just walked out of Willie Wonka's chocolate factory with a lifetime supply of chocolate. Little does he know it's because of the constant inhalation of the naturally occurring laughing gas oils on his lip whiskers.

Jeff enjoyed his moustache as much as he could. He would regularly leave food and condiments in it so he could have frequent snacks. He liked to leave a couple of drops of mustard on the right upper hair, some bits of pepperoni and chicken on the left upper, and some bread crumbs center stage in the soul patch. NPO after midnight? Yeah right. That's just SMART.

Honorable mention.

August 2011